CCC: Cardcaptor Crack
by Kiba Wolf
Summary: Just a bit of humor/mock/crack for your day. CCS spoilers, crosses slightly with Tsubasa RESERVoir CHRoNiCLE, no spoilers there unless you haven't read the first book. Rated T for references/mild language. Enjoy! "Get out of my bedroom!"


**_CCC: Cardcaptor Crack_**

* * *

><p>It all started when there were just too many people gathered in one place.<p>

_Far_ too many people.

But of course it also started with Syaoran and Sakura, because let's face it, when doesn't it revolve around those two?

"S-Sakura," Syaoran stuttered nervously. "I-I have wanted to tell you something for a while now, and well…" the young boy trailed off, his face turning a brilliant, fire-truck red. Sakura looked at him with that special, clueless look that only she had.

"It's okay Syaoran, I already know," she stated happily. He looked at her in utter surprise.

"Y-you do?" he asked, astounded.

"Yes," she answered solemnly.

Syaoran felt his heartbeat quicken. This was it. This was the day, at long last, the day that millions of fans across the globe had been waiting for, this was the day that…!

"Meiling is returning!" she concluded happily.

"What?" Syaoran deadpanned, staring blankly at the happy face of his one-true-love-across-all-dimensions-and-times-no-matter-what-forever-and-forever.

"I already know that Meiling is coming over today!" she repeated joyously.

Just as Syaoran was about to answer there was a knocking on his bedroom door. Yep, even in his bedroom, away from everyone else, with no one in the house or feasibly coming to the house, he couldn't make anything happen.

This may explain why one of his reincarnations turned out to be gay. He was just lucky he could always blame Clow Reed in the end.

Suddenly the door blew off the hinges and Sakura and Syaoran jumped in surprise.

"I'm here!" Tomoyo declared in utter bliss, camera at the ready. "Okay you two can get started, don't mind me; don't mind the camera, just act natural!"

"Uh, what were you planning on recording Tomoyo? Syaoran and I were just speaking," Sakura inquired, ever clueless.

Tomoyo turned to glare at Syaoran. "Do you even have a manhood to speak of?"

Syaoran's jaw dropped and Sakura looked around confused.

"What's a manhood?"

Syaoran passed out, hitting the floor with a loud _thud_. It was regrettable that he was standing at the time.

Tomoyo turned her eyes, which now had an evil glint, on Sakura.

"Well I suppose we could continue as planned, ho ho ho…"

Sakura stared at her blankly.

Just as Tomoyo started to re-attach the door to its hinges in, uh, preparation, loud footsteps could be heard stomping towards the room.

"Curses, foiled again," Tomoyo muttered angrily.

"What was that?" Sakura asked, but she never got an answer as the door was kicked in once again.

"Meiling!" Tomoyo shouted guiltily. "I wasn't plotting anything!"

Sakura and Meiling both gave her an odd look.

"Never mind that; where's my—Syaoran!" she squealed, jumping high into the air and landing harshly on the poor unconscious boy.

"Gah!" he screamed and lurched into a sitting position, jarred into consciousness by the violent surprise attack. "Meiling?" he exclaimed, color already draining from his face.

"Ah my Syaoran, how are you? Oh, you must have missed me oh so—!" the crazed girl gushed, but she was cut off as her eyes scanned the room. "Hey, what's _she_ doing here?" she demanded, pointing at Sakura, a certain fire in her eyes.

Sakura looked back at her blankly.

"I'll kill you for trying to take my Syaoran from me!" Meiling roared, grabbing Syaoran's sword, which had been left unattended. She leapt into the air, fully prepared to slice the unsuspecting captor in two.

Suddenly, crashing through the window, Touya kicked Meiling mid-leap, causing them both to crash to the floor. The sword narrowly avoided killing Sakura.

_Damn!_ Meiling thought upon seeing this, before her attention turned back to the tall, dark, handsome man on top of her. All she could think was…

_Damn penguins need to go back to the North Pole where they belong!_

Yes, penguins, because on Touya's shirt was a majestic, cartoon penguin.

Meiling kicked Touya in the chest and a scuffle started, which everyone else promptly ignored.

Tomoyo, Sakura, and Syaoran looked at each other, relieved that all of that insanity was over at last. Syaoran turned his attention back to Sakura, prepared to prove himself a man at last!

"Sakura, listen I just wanted to tell you that—!" Suddenly a stuffed animal whizzed past his face, causing him to jump three feet in the air.

The toy nailed Touya in the face, promptly ending his scuffle with the significantly younger female. She had been winning.

Yukito walked in, looking innocent enough, and waved at the assembled party. Then he looked over at Touya.

"Oh there's my stuffed animal!"

Everyone in the room gave him a 'Are you some kind of pedophile?' look. Even Touya, and that's saying something.

Then Sakura realized what—or rather who—the stuffed animal was.

"Kero!" she exclaimed. Indeed it was the mighty guardian with an ego complex, Cerberus! He burped lazily.

"Yo." He glided lazily towards the door. "I'm going to clean out the fridge and play on the brat's new Xbox."

With that, the almighty Cerberus ladies and gentlemen, left the room.

No one was really paying attention anyway; the girls were too entranced by Touya and Yukito, while Syaoran stood in the background feeling awkward and out of place.

Like usual.

Touya and Yukito were staring deeply into each other's eyes, sparkles flying all around them.

"Touya!" Yukito exclaimed.

"Yukito!" Touya answered.

"Touya!"

"Yukito!"

"Touya!"

"Yukito I don't think we should ever publicly reveal ourselves and deny any relationships to anyone who asks or looks at us funny, besides the only one who's going to figure it out is Sakura and she's too stupid to understand," Touya deadpanned, turning away and killing the mood. He jumped back out of the window in a rather epic manner and everyone was left in a spell by his magical words.

Until they heard his crash landing.

"Dammit!" came the scream, echoing for miles.

Yukito waved politely. "I'm going to go help your brother now Sakura," he said, winking at her. _Wink, wink. _Sakura stared blankly for a moment.

"Okay have fun!" she said, ever clueless.

Everyone in the room, even Syaoran—scratch that—especially Syaoran gave her a strange look. Meiling started stomping around angrily after Yukito floated gracefully out of the window.

"You haven't won yet penguins," she muttered, totally distracted.

_Now's my chance,_ Syaoran thought.

"Sakura, I—!"

"Good day mates!" Eriol proclaimed in an obnoxious fashion. "Reincarnation of Clow Reed, all important person, coming through, move aside scrubs!"

He shoved Tomoyo out the window.

Her screamed echoed up to the bedroom, "I lo-o-o-ove you Sakur-a-a!"

She was ignored.

"What do you want Eriol?" Syaoran asked, grinding his teeth. Oh how he hated that guy. That punk that was supposedly his great-something grandfather reborn. He wanted to tear his guts out and grind them into pie to serve to his eternal love, Sakura. Ah Sakura, how he loved her so, how he couldn't stand to—!

"And he just looked so miserable!" Eriol exclaimed, chuckling graciously.

Sakura looked over at Syaoran and he perked up.

"Is it true you still wet the bed?" she asked, simply delighted by Eriol's story of his cousin. Syaoran stared blankly for a moment before his face lit up like a stoplight.

"No!" he screamed defensively, then to Eriol, "It was one time, shut up!"

"Eriol, come we have penguins to kill," Meiling declared.

"How long have you been here?" he asked surprised.

"That doesn't matter. Penguins. Death. Now," she answered, dragging him away.

_Finally, alone again at last! _Syaoran thought excitedly.

"Uh anyway, Sakura, about what I was trying to tell you earlier," he started nervously. Already his face had started to turn red, although in retrospect it had stayed red since he first tried talking to her, alternatively from anger or embarrassment, depending on the situation. Sakura looked at him happily, totally unfazed by the strange events.

"Yes Syaoran?"

"Well, Sakura, it's just that—!" Syaoran was cutoff yet again when a strange distortion of his room occurred. His ceiling twisted in and stretched towards the ground, breaking just before, and revealing four people and a stuffed animal.

"What the hell?" the tallest member of the group asked, dressed all in black with some red accents. He was a rather gruff looking fellow. "Where the hell are we now? Dammit. I hate my life." He went off to the corner and drew his sword, making a sawing motion across his wrist.

"Oh joy, yay!" the slightly shorter, but utterly opposite looking one exclaimed. He was dressed in all white with flowing blond locks. "Kuro-tan hates this place, yes he does, but I love it already!"

"What's there to love?" the so-called Kuro-tan asked. "Another world and another feather to find. I'm going to kill myself!"

The blond danced around the room completely oblivious. He reminded Syaoran of Sakura a bit.

"Yay another world!"

The stuffed animal danced around with him.

"Another world, another world!"

The other two mysterious people looked—like older versions of Syaoran and Sakura. The two pairs stood and stared at each other uncertainly. Kuro-tan and the blond finally noticed.

"Why look at that, it's a mini-Syaoran and a mini-Sakura!" the blond exclaimed joyously. Kuro-tan stared blankly.

"What the hell is going on here?" he muttered.

Syaoran, by this point, had reached his limit. He could handle interruptions from Sakura's best friend, his fiancé, her brother, his boyfriend, her stuffed toy, but travelers from a parallel universe? This had just gone too _damn _far for him.

"I don't know _who_ you people are, but you need to get the hell _out of my room_!" Syaoran yelled, anger blinding him.

The guy who looked like an older version of him stood protectively in front of the girl who looked like an older version of Sakura.

"Okay, we're going. Just take it easy," the boy soothed.

"_Now!_" Syaoran screamed, waving his sword in a deranged manner.

"Hey, take it easy kid," Kuro-tan griped. Syaoran promptly stabbed him with his sword.

"Oh my, this fellow means business," the blond giggled.

Clutching his bleeding abdomen Kuro-tan followed the rest outside. Syaoran grabbed the fallen door and slammed it into place, panting hard. He took a deep breath and set the sword down.

"Finally I can tell you."

"Tell me what Syaoran?" Sakura asked, innocence radiating from her.

"Sakura I [This fan fiction has been removed by CLAMP.]

* * *

><p><em><strong>Alternate ending!<strong>_

* * *

><p>He took a deep breath and set the sword down.<p>

"Now then, where was I?" he asked, turning back to Sakura. She looked at him blankly. "Ah yes, Sakura, I… I love you and I have for so long now and I just—!"

"I'm sorry Syaoran," she said, cutting him off.

"What?" he asked blankly.

"I just can't love someone who loses control of his temper like that," she explained rather sophisticatedly. She walked pass the stunned Syaoran, picked up Kero along the way, and left his house with a firm door slam.

Syaoran stood there staring blankly at the wall for the next three days.


End file.
